Funny New Year’s Card Messages and Wishes for 2023

December 06, 2022

If you’re searching for a funny New Year's card message for your friends or family, you’re in the right place. Boomf has put together a list of funny and cheerful New Year wishes for the people in your life who hate cheesy messages. So there’s no need to spend hours fretting over that perfect quote—we’ve got plenty to get you started!

When you’re done writing that perfect New Year’s Day message, don’t forget to head over to Boomf and pick out a matching card!

General funny New Year wishes

For anyone who hates the cringy, over-the-top heartfelt messages in every card, try these short quotes out. So this year, no one will say you’re too sappy!

We’ve worked long and hard all year. Good job to us for successfully wasting all 365 days! May we do it again. Happy New Year!
To the people we love, the people we’re yet to know, and the people we mercilessly avoid, Happy New Year!
What’s my resolution this year? To stop feeling guilty about last year…
“I have no way of knowing how people really feel, but the vast majority of those I meet couldn’t be nicer. Every once in a while someone barks at me. My New Year’s resolution is not to bark back.” ~ Tucker Carlson.
Happy New Year! This one can’t be worse than the last… right?
My New Year’s resolution? After a long debate, I’ve decided to go with 1080x760!
“Many years ago, I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.” ~ Dave Beard.
Let’s kick off our new resolutions by getting completely wasted! Happy New Year!
Here’s to becoming glass half-full types of people: wine, whisky, rum, whatever! Happy New Year!
If this year was a person, I’d probably sue them for personal damages. Have a great New Year!
“My New Year’s resolution usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds.” ~ Nia Vardalos
Here’s to the New Year being jam-packed with all our favourite things: booze, shopping, and more booze! Happy New Year!
Let’s start this year with no hard feelings. A clean slate. So here’s your chance to apologise! Happy New Year!
New year, new me same me! Have a great New Year!
“This New Year’s I was going to make a resolution to never be late again, but I didn’t wake up until January 2nd.” ~ Melanie White
A brand-new year gives us the opportunity to make the same old mistakes, just in new ways! Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! I promise I won’t start mine by sleeping on the couch this time.
Remember those days when we’d beg our parents to stay up late on New Year’s? Now all I want to do is sleep!
Happy New Year! And stop asking, I’m not making any resolutions!
“I know. I’m lazy. But I made myself a New Year’s resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have ‘til December, right?” ~ Catherine O’Hara

Funny New Year wishes for friends

What’s a great New Year’s Eve party without your best friends? Show your appreciation with a cheeky NYE message.

Happy New Year card from a friend that’s so cool, they’ve never needed a resolution.
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” ~ Bill Vaughn
Sorry for how annoying I was this year. May you give me another chance to be even worse in the next one!
Happy New Year! May you have the energy to wish everyone on Facebook a great New Year!
You know, there are more overweight people in the world than underweight people. That must mean we’re average!
“New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.” ~ Jay Leno
“A year from now, you’re gonna weigh more or less what you do right now.” ~ Phil McGraw
My New Year’s resolution is to stop talking to people who ask me what my resolution is. You’re in danger.
It wouldn't be New Year’s Eve if we don’t wake up with some regrets, right? Happy New Year!
“What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others.” ~ Diogenes. (Can’t wait for your NYE party!)
I won’t wish you more success—you’re too successful already! It’s my turn! Happy New Year!
Good luck with the resolutions! If you ever want any help breaking them, I’ll be by your side! Cheers!
New year. Who dis?
I could lose weight this year… or you could just buy me new clothes.
Last year, I was your greatest source of pain. So this year, you need to know I’ll never change. Happy New Year!
If you jogged as much as you ran your mouth, you’d be in great shape! Have a great New Year!
“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool.” ~ F.M. Knowles
If you were born in September, it’s looking like your parents started their New Year more successfully than you! Happy New Year!
Celebrate what you want to see more of this year… me! Cheers!
This year, we should spend more time running around together. Literally. We need to drop a couple pounds. Happy New Year!

Funny New Year Quotes

Are your creative fireworks not sparking yet? There’s no need to fear, because we’ve got plenty more ideas for New Year’s messages, including a special set for couples.

Time certainly flies, doesn’t it? Fly wherever you want to, just don’t crash!
Last year might have given us all a kick in the butt, but why not use that momentum to keep going forward? Happy New Year!
“I doubt you can have a truly wild party without liquor.” ~ Carl Sandburg
“You know how I always dread the whole year? Well this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” ~ Charlie Brown
May your worries last as long as your New Year’s resolutions—about two minutes in your case! Happy New Year!
“Every New Year’s I have the same questions: ‘How did I get home?’” ~ Melanie White
Before I send some embarrassing drunk texts, let me wish you a Happy New Year!
I’ve thought a lot about kicking all my bad habits, but come on, I’m no quitter. Happy New Year!
I don’t need any New Year’s Resolutions, I’m already perfect. You, on the other hand, could use some work. Have a great New Year!
“Tonight I’m going to party like it’s 1999.” ~ Prince
“I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.” ~ David Bowie
We begin every year a little bit fatter, a little bit older, but somehow, a little bit less wise! Happy New Year!
My resolutions always fall through because I aim too high. So this year, I’ll try to become Prime Minister.
This year let’s make new memories, new secrets, and new resolutions we’ll never keep. Happy New Year!
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, ‘Wow! What a Ride!’” ~ Hunter S. Thompson
I only tell people my resolutions when drunk, that way, there’s no accountability. Cheers!
Who said Home Alone was only for Christmas? Not me. Happy New Year, ya filthy animal.
New Year’s Eve is the perfect time to live it up—then we’ve got the whole year to live it down!
If laughter is the best medicine, your face is curing the world! Happy New Year!

Funny New Year quotes for him

If you’re looking for a funny message to write on your boyfriend's Happy New Year card, we’ve got plenty of ideas for you. Let’s find a way to make him chuckle!

Wise, kind, generous, and sexy. But enough about me! Happy New Year!
“Ah, New Year’s Eve. The evening of little miracles. The hope of better days, of fresh starts, and perhaps, if you are very lucky, a kiss.” ~ Beau Taplin
Every year, we make resolutions and vow to keep them. This year my only resolution is to keep wasting time with you! Happy New Year!
New Year’s Eve is finally here. We can get drunk in public and no one minds! Cheers!
Just like your listening skills, a New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
The best part about making New Year’s resolutions is breaking them… with you. But first, champagne. Happy New Year!
If it takes us more than two days to break all our resolutions, we made too many.
“Sometimes a year has been so disastrous and so terrible that entering a new year will automatically mean a wonderful year!” ~ Mehmet Murat İldan
I promise you that this year, I won’t let you do stupid things alone. Have a great New Year!
Here’s to a brilliant New Year. I hope you make lots of money so you can buy me presents.
Ah, New Year’s, another excuse to wear sequins. Couples costume?
This year, I promise to fight with you less, take you out more, and help lift your shopping bags more often! Happy New Year, my love.
Champagne and chocolate? Perfect. It’s a match made in the stars, just like us!
Is it midnight? I’d check my watch, but I can’t take my eyes off you.

Funny New Year quotes for her

It can be challenging to come up with the perfect New Year’s card for the special woman in your life. If you’re struggling with writer’s block, read through these hilarious messages!

“The proper behaviour all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk, you kiss the person you’re married to.” ~ P.J. O’Rourke
I might be wishing you a Happy New Year, but remember you still have the same old louse of a spouse! Happy New Year!
People keep telling me to get in shape for the new year, but round is a shape, and I’m it! Happy New Year!
Happy New Year my love! The present better be better than last year’s!
Happy New Year! It’s midnight already and we’re getting old—let’s go to bed!
This year we can celebrate another anniversary—the one of us getting successfully wasted this time last year!
“May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. Best of luck with the New Year, dear.” ~ Unknown.
Here’s to hoping God gives me the patience to deal with you for another year—Happy New Year!
Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice? Well my girl’s made of sarcasm, wine, and everything fine.
Let’s have a great time ruining another year of our lives! Have a great New Year, dear!
I could lose weight for my New Year’s resolution, but I hate losing—and it’s the only thing I can beat you in! Happy New Year’s, my love!
New Year’s resolutions are made by those who are imperfect, so we don’t need them. We were born perfect!
I miss you so much. Happy New Year! My resolution is to eat tons of chocolate and watch movies with you. See you soon!
I know it’s not midnight yet, but do you still want to kiss?
Happy New Year! Let’s make a resolution to never fight again… as long as you agree.

Sarcastic New Year messages

There’s always one friend who fails to see the New Year’s spirit. So beat them at their own game with one of these sarcastic New Year’s messages!

Last year I made a resolution to lose 10 pounds. Looks like there’s only 20 left to go. Happy New Year!
This year’s resolution is to be less sarcastic. As if I won’t screw that up right away.
“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” ~ Mark Twain
Did we not see how 2022 went? Do we really want to do this again?
“My New Year’s resolution is to tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” ~ Hunar Hali
9pm is the new midnight, right? Happy New Year!
Here’s to a new year full of new opportunities. I’m sure we’ll do the same kind of thing anyway.
“’Out with the old, in with the new’ is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.” ~ Andy Borowitz
A decent friend asks about your New Year resolutions, but a brilliant friend tells you not to make any.
Happy New Year’s! Alexa, skip to spring.
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” ~ William E. Vaugn
New year, new me… for maybe a week.
In preparation for the new year, let’s list our achievements from this year… your turn.
Most people worry about what they eat between Christmas and New Year, but I think we should be more worried about what we eat between New Year and Christmas! Happy New Year!
Before I agree to move into 2023, I think I’m gonna need to see some Terms and Conditions.
New year, same old stuff. Hey ho, at least we’re alive.
Have a great New Year. Spoilers—it’s gonna feel the same.
Happy New Year! We’ll still be the same people tomorrow, just hungover.

Now we’re sure you’ve discovered a hilarious New Year’s Eve message with our bountiful list of ideas. So, if you’ve got a funny New Year’s quote ready, complete your present with the perfect card and gift from Boomf!