Funny Father’s Day Quotes

Father’s Day is almost upon us, so if you’re looking for funny Father’s Day card quotes, check out our lists below. We have put together a comprehensive list of funny quotes and wishes for Father’s Day in the hopes of making even the grumpiest old gent smile from ear to ear. 

Dads are famous (or perhaps infamous) for their sense of humour, and in that spirit we hope to do them proud. For your reading pleasure (and our sanity), we’ve broken these punny messages up into eight neat sections.

Feel free to take our quotes as they are, but if you’d like, you can transform them into a clever message of your own, fit for one of our fantastic personalised cards.

Without father ado – sorry, we couldn’t resist – here’s our collection of Father's Day humour quotes.

h2>Father’s Day Jokes and Puns

A funny collection of happy Father's Day card quotes wouldn’t be complete without the kind of jokes that warrant an eye roll, and here they are, like something straight out of a Christmas cracker. 

• My dog is a genius, I asked him ‘what’s two minus two’ and he said nothing.
• I at last got around to watching that documentary about clocks. It was about time.
• I was going to get you a jacket for Father’s Day but I decided not to. Anything with Velcro is a total rip off. 
• No-one has yet to master a BBQ like you do. I’d say you’re a rare find.
• I’m not sure whether the third Sunday of June is my favourite date, but six thirty is my favourite time. Hands down.
• What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter!
• Thanks to your support I’m finally getting to grips with my soap addiction. It feels good to be clean.
• I wasn’t sure whether a new bed was the right present for Father’s Day. I’ve been told to sleep on it.
• When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline is a parent. Happy Father’s Day!

Short Funny Father’s Day Quotes

‘Brevity is the soul of wit’, as Shakespeare said. Then again he hasn’t come up with anything witty in years. Here are some short, funny Father’s Day jokes and quotes.

• Happy Father’s Day to the puniest man on the planet. 
• ‘The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get’ – Tim Russert.
• Happy Father’s Day to the world’s greatest taxi driver. 
• ‘A father carries pictures where his cash used to be’ – Steve Martin.
• Happy Father’s Day, dad, and thanks for everything. You’ve been like a father to me. 
• ‘If at first you don’t succeed, call dad.’
• How do you throw a Father’s Day party in outer space? You planet. 
• Dad, you’re like a whiteboard. Remarkable. Happy Father’s Day!

Funny Father’s Day Quotes from Daughters

Moving onto some specific quotes written from the perspective of a beloved daughter. 

• I’m sorry I couldn’t be your little girl forever, but then again you have shrunk as you’ve gotten older.
• Apparently daughters pick up their dad’s sense of humour from an early age. I’ve yet to make anyone laugh. 
• Happy Father’s Day to the luckiest dad in the world. I’d love to have me as a daughter.
• The Greek poet Euripides said that ‘to a father growing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter’. But then again he was a cheapskate. Happy Father’s Day!
• Happy Father’s Day from one little girl to another. 

Funny Father’s Day Quotes from Sons

Fathers and sons. A pairing that has created a million coming of age stories, and an equal number of limited companies. 

• Try as we might, all sons end up looking like their old man and telling the same bad jokes. I didn’t want to have a beard, for instance, but it grew on me. 
• I remember being small enough for you to pick me up and throw me around. Now I’m big enough to do the same, but we’ll save ourselves the trip to A&E. Happy Father’s Day!
• ‘By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.’ – Charles Wadsworth.
• It's a bit of a cliché to say you’re the greatest dad in the world, but I reckon you’re in the top 10. Happy Father’s Day! 
• Happy Father’s Day to one grumpy old git from one grumpy young one.

Quirky Father’s Day Quotes 

Yes, we’re well aware that dads come in all shapes and sizes, and that perhaps your own old man loves nothing more than his model train set or a good book. That said, dads do tend to like sport, so here are some cheesy jokes in that sporting spirit. You can also send him one of our football Father's Day cards.

• I remember being so confused when you took me to my first cricket game. Why was the ball getting bigger and bigger? Then it hit me. 
• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
• Hope your tennis sessions are going well. I’ve always thought it was a noisy sport. The players tend to raise a racquet.
• Have you heard the one about the pole vaulter? It doesn’t go over well.

Funny Father’s Day Sayings

We’re taking a short tangent to compile some sayings from minds actually worth quoting, naturally with a funny twist. 

• ‘A son always follows his father’s example and not his advice’ – you’ll have to forgive me for not getting to grips with either.
• George Herbert said that ‘one father is worth more than a hundred schoolmasters.’ Clearly he never had to take an exam. 
• According to Billy Graham, ‘a good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.’ So I got you a special mug. Happy Father’s Day!
• Shakespeare said that “it is a wise father that knows his own child.” Someone added ‘it’s a wiser father that doesn’t ask what his child’s up to’.
• Clarence Darrow said ‘The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.’

Humorous Father's Day Quotes about Fathers DIY-ing Stuff

Checking off our list of classic dad behaviour – DIY! The chores that your dad does to help him to avoid the actually boring stuff. 

• I’d tell you a joke about an electrician, but you’d find it truly shocking.
• If it’s true that all dads teach their children the difference between a flathead and Philip’s head screwdriver, then the debt IKEA owes to them could buy enough Swedish meatballs to fill the Grand Canyon.
• I always wanted to follow you into the family business, you made sitting around doing nothing look so glamorous! 
• Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’d go over your head.
• I’ve never seen anyone on DIY SOS yell at the other presenter for failing to hold up a torch properly, but then again they’ve never done an episode in our house. 
• I’d love to tell you my DIY joke, but I’m still working on it.
• Happy Father’s Day, and good luck with your latest DIY project. Mum has told me to tell you to do the washing up every now and then.

Boozy Father’s Day Funny Quotes

What is it with dads and pubs? Yes, probably the beer, which is why we’re going to call last orders on this list with some boozy Father’s Day quotes that’ll go down like a crisp lager. 

• Some say that you’re bitter, I say that you’re just well-aged. Happy Father’s Day, the next round is on me.
• Congratulations – you have won a free pint! 
• If you’re reading this: say ‘what a lovely card’ and I’ll make up an excuse to get you to the pub.
• Happy Father’s Day to the man who was there for me when I could barely walk or talk. And you can trust me when I say that the hangover the next day was appalling. 
• Thanks for teaching me some of life’s most important lessons, like the difference between a dark ale and a stout. Happy Father’s Day, let’s go have a pint. 
• Happy Father’s Day from your favourite [son/daughter]. I’m sure you’ve got happy memories of the moment I was born. Could you still smoke in pubs back then? 
• A father and his [son/daughter] walk into a bar. Mum ducks.
• Mum says you’ve aged like a fine wine. So we’re going to lock you in the cellar.
• No more whining this Father’s Day – drink and be merry!

Best Funny Father’s Day Quotes

It’s not uncommon for readers to skip to the end of lists this long, and we don’t judge. In fact that’s why we’ve picked out our best quotes for your reading pleasure.

• Best Father’s Day ‘dad joke’ – ‘Thanks to your support I’m finally getting to grips with my soap addiction. It feels good to be clean’. 
• Best Father’s Day joke from daughter – ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t be your little girl forever, but then again you have shrunk as you’ve got older.’. 
• Best Father’s Day quote from son – ‘Try as we might, all sons end up looking like their old man and telling the same bad jokes. I didn’t want to have a beard, for instance, but it grew on me’. 
• Best sport inspired Father’s Day quote – ‘Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one’.
• Funniest Father’s Day saying – ‘Shakespeare said “it is a wise father that knows his own child.” Someone added “it’s a wiser father that doesn’t ask what his child’s up to”.’
• Best boozy Father’s Day quote – ‘Mum says you’ve aged like a fine wine. So we’re going to lock you in the cellar’.
• Best DIY Father’s Day quote – ‘I’d love to tell you my DIY joke, but I’m still working on it.’
• Best short Father’s Day quote - ‘The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get’ - Tim Russert.

Now that you’ve got the perfect, rib-tickling message, you’ll need an amazing card to deliver it in. Here at Boomf, we take the gift-giving experience to the next level, with endlessly customisable cards and an enormous amount of amusing designs – a perfect match for one of our funny Father’s Day quotes.